Summer Vacation

(or: How Not to Write an Essay)

By Andy Dennis

Introduction

This summer was terribly dull. The only event that was of any interest whatever was the acquisition of access to the internet. Also of minor note and much, much more dull are the fact that I bought some T-shirts and I attended several computer shows. You can see this essay shaping up to be a powerhouse already! Ok, time for Introduction, Part C: Prepare Readers! So, get ready! Hold on! Fasten your seatbelts! Are you prepared yet? Good. Now I can give you this terribly exciting and crucial-for-your-well-being essay.

The thesis statement(not disguised at all):The three ideas I have to support the "situation" are noted above. Look there, you crazy essay-editing type person, you! I have chosen these topics because the class requirements have forced me to choose some sort of topics, and these are the most irritating topics I could make use of here.

Now it's time for the Body! Body, body, body. ( Vague Monty Python Reference)

Introductory Sentence A (Which, as everyone knows, is the least important introductory sentence): Well, I got internet access. That help you with the concept any? Also of note in the Internet realm: My Homepage. This homepage is nice and silly. However, you will never see it, because if you are an average person in this school, the internet scares the heck out of you. I have been on the Internet since August 2. Also, I downloaded many things and screwed my computer up, and everyone hated me for it. That's all I intend to say about the Internet, because the concept is giving you heart palpitations. I can hear them from here!

The Paragraph which is the paragraph which comes before the third and after the first paragraph; or: the second paragraph. Ta-da. Anyway, here is the paragaph you've been anticipating with fevered brows: The T-Shirts!! Hurray! T-Shirt # 1: A Magic: The Gathering Shirt I sent away for. It was free!.  T- Shirt #2: Another, completely different Magic shirt. T-Shirt #3: It's the one I have on right now. When you read this, find me, look at me, and that's the shirt. Isn't it a wild-looking shirt? I really love it. Disregard the last bit if I'm wearing T-Shirt #1 or #2 when you find me.

The paragraph about the computer shows. It's horribly exciting. No young children or people with heart conditions. Righty-O, then. I went to several computer shows with my uncle. I bought software and irritated my brother. If anyone wants to buy a used copy of Armed & Delirious, let me know. (Sigh) Awful Game.
I seem unable to write as much about the shows as the other topics, sorry.

However, for your amusement:
The Horrible Song They Play at 2:00 in the Morning Advertising the Shows! (random capitalisation for effect)

Hey everybody,
If you want to save real dough,
You've got to check out,
The new computer show.
You can buy computers,
See them in a whole new way,
All this in one place,
The deals will blow you away!

Awful, wasn't it?

THE GRAND CONCLUSION!!
Well, that's it, I'm finished. What? Did you expect more? Oh. "Briefly summarize your key topics." Ok, here we go:

1. Internet: Good.

2. T-Shirts: Gooder.

3. Computer Shows: Not so Good.

There! Happy Now? That's the end!
Thank you for your concern.

Comments for Andy Dennis? E-mail him:ianhubert@aol.com